Thursday, February 23, 2006

STROKE...We can't know what it's like until it hits us. It hit cousin Bruce.

Michael, Thank you for calling to see how I am doing. Unfortunately not well. You might see me walking down the hall and think there is nothing wrong, but the very fabric of the universe has changed. I tell my left leg to go forward and it goes backward. I am at a loss to understand. Everything seems the same and yet my body does not respond. My expectations are not met and I just do not know how to live in this eleven dimensional universe that seems like my old one but does not respond to my command. “Lord you have laid me low and I am prostate at they feet.” Unable to command, I had such illusions – nothing was beyond my ability to accomplish. Now going to the washroom is an uncertain journey. On St. Valentines Day, I got hit in the cerebellum by a blood clot. The cerebellum is at one end of the cochlear branch of the acoustic nerves controlling equilibrium. On First Day, I was cowering in my bed from vertigo, fearful to move. I do not know how to adapt. I call my mother everyday to commiserate. She had brain surgery maybe 15 years ago and has always complained about, “Why doesn’t my left leg do what I tell it to do”. She looks in a mirror and wonders who that is – expecting the eighteen-year-old girl that was there last she could remember. We talk about how much we sleep and yet the body does not seem to mend. I do not wish to exaggerate, but Matthew 5:5 (meek) has taken on a new pathos. It is now my inability to adjust that proves my willfulness.

5 comments:

Oldnovice said...

I just learned about this from the "Dear Michael" letter Bruce sent to me, and I'm HOPING that Bruce will share with us on this thread how it feels (or DOESN'T feel and how THAT'S the rub).

Who knew?

Take it from here, Bruce!

Diane said...

Dang. Sorry to hear about that. I've always thought that strokes, or the lasting effects of such, must be one of the most maddeningly frustrating things that can happen to a person.

Th3Yungin said...

That really sucks. He might have updated on his blog, if it is still up and running.

Do you remember the address?

Chenoweths said...

I/Bruce have been getting contradictory advice to push myself and to take it easy. I went to the bookstore Thursday and in trying to pick up a book threw it across the bookstore. My wife and doctor conspired to take away my driving privileges. I have another hearing before the two of them on Friday. If I fail to convince them that I am the same person that they knew before St. Valentines Day, then it will be another week of rehabilitation. That is not the right word. I stay at home and walk to a cafe for lunch. I swim 20 minutes twice a week, rather then the daily mile I use to do in my previous state of being.

Oldnovice said...

I can understand your concern over the mixed messages, but it also sounds like your "normal" was far superior to the national norm. I've never in my life swum a mile each day, and routinely throw things inadvertently. To that poor woman at the Renaissance Fair who got my baked potato on her head, I apologize; poltergeists did it!

So, is it cholesterol that's responsible for the stroke? If not, what? Does your doctor know?

Let us know the results of your Friday review.