Thursday, February 23, 2006
STROKE...We can't know what it's like until it hits us. It hit cousin Bruce.
Michael, Thank you for calling to see how I am doing. Unfortunately not well. You might see me walking down the hall and think there is nothing wrong, but the very fabric of the universe has changed. I tell my left leg to go forward and it goes backward. I am at a loss to understand. Everything seems the same and yet my body does not respond. My expectations are not met and I just do not know how to live in this eleven dimensional universe that seems like my old one but does not respond to my command. “Lord you have laid me low and I am prostate at they feet.” Unable to command, I had such illusions – nothing was beyond my ability to accomplish. Now going to the washroom is an uncertain journey. On St. Valentines Day, I got hit in the cerebellum by a blood clot. The cerebellum is at one end of the cochlear branch of the acoustic nerves controlling equilibrium. On First Day, I was cowering in my bed from vertigo, fearful to move. I do not know how to adapt. I call my mother everyday to commiserate. She had brain surgery maybe 15 years ago and has always complained about, “Why doesn’t my left leg do what I tell it to do”. She looks in a mirror and wonders who that is – expecting the eighteen-year-old girl that was there last she could remember. We talk about how much we sleep and yet the body does not seem to mend. I do not wish to exaggerate, but Matthew 5:5 (meek) has taken on a new pathos. It is now my inability to adjust that proves my willfulness.