Tuesday, March 14, 2006

The hardest question I've ever come across...

No. 2 is back!!! To me, the hardest question in my life has got to be: What do I want to be when I grow up? Over the past couple weeks, I have been really trying to force this one, and I really could use some outside opinions or stories. How did you end up where you are now? What situation or event sparked that decision for you? Were you still unsure about it or was it like a lightening revelation? How many of you really love what you do? As it happens to mostly everyone at some point in their life, I've been finding myself stuck in the same routine, the same exact environment, and with a complete lack of motivation or inspiration. In other words, I'm finding myself feeling like I'm in a slump and too lazy to do much about it. From talking to other people I know or just people I've talked to in the past, they have always said that if you find something that you love to do, it doesn't even feel like work. You're happy to get up in the morning, and feel a sense of accomplishment and wholeness. That is my main goal, but it also seems to be the hardest thing to figure out for yourself. How can you make a decision like that so easily? People will talk to me about it and throw a million ideas at me, but if it were that easy, I would have decided by now! I worry a lot that at some point in trying one thing, I will realize I don't like it, and then I'll feel like I just wasted so much time and money. I don't want to be one of those students who gets all the way through school, and then hates their field in the end. Someone asked me the other day what I was passionate about, and I could not think of ONE thing. Not ONE! I want to say it made me feel useless! Growing up, Momma always told us that you don't go into college knowing what you want to do (unless of course you have had that lightening revelation already), but you go into college to find out what's out there. I know college is a tedious process, but I really feel like I need a change in my direction at this point. Tedious or not, it seems to feel worse when you're questioning why you're even doing it. I've been going for a Bus. Mngmt degree for about 7 years now part time, and I really feel like I need to pursue another angle. Not one of the classes I've taken has seemed to inspire me. The only reason I chose that degree was because it was a general degree and my couselor needed to put SOMETHING on my records. Plus, it was also Dad's request. But not having a clue as to what that will get me outside of college has really been bothering me lately and it has been really affecting my motivation. It seems all of my motivation has been going towards my job, and that really shouldn't be my first priority. Not to mention, I don't really plan on being a waittress/bartender my whole life no matter how good or bad I am at it. I feel like I have more to offer than just beer and burgers. I'm sure this is a problem that most people my age experience at one point or another, but I figure that hearing other people's stories may open me up to more angles to examine, and help me feel like I'm not the only one that has this problem. Chicago Jen has been my main contact for conversing on this subject. Her situation has been a little different since she has gone full force in one or another direction in school, gotten to a certain point, and then seems to lose the passion she had in the beginning. She did finish school, but now wants to again pursue something completely different. At the same time, I feel like I'm ready for another change in my life. I miss the excitement I experienced when I move to Vegas and everything was new and different. I miss the traveling and the never knowing where life would take me next. I had forgotten how depressing this town could be. I'm hoping that whatever college I decide to transfer to, that I could live on campus and experience that type of lifestyle while I'm still young enough to do it. Life is, if nothing else, all about experiences, and I want to take in as much as I can. Not to mention I think that school would run a lot smoother for me if I was surrounded by people with the same goal. There is power in numbers, and I definitely want a part of that. Well, that's all my confessions for now. Let me know if you have any feedback or advice for me. I love talking to different people about stuff like this and learning what fields they were interested in. A decision like this, to me, is made better when you know all of your options. xoxo No. 2

6 comments:

Th3Yungin said...

I can relate to your problems, but i seem to have a different problem...

Kinda reminds me of something that i heard in in waking life, "there are two kinds of sufferers: Those that suffer from a lack of life and those that suffer from an abundance of it"

throughout school, i've been really passionate about alot of different topics, and as i got deeper into them, my interest has waned.

It's not that I have no interest in the areas. It's more like as i spend time in one area, the call of my other interests grow stronger and stronger, until i feel that i'm wasting my time doing whatever i am doing...

I suppose the Ideal solution for me would be to study all the areas that interest me, but that would be folly, since all the areas are deep enought that i could spend my whole life exploring one of them, and never touch bottom. If I were to spread out my time between the dozen of them, i would never make any noticeable progress!

I mean, it already took me 6 years of college to get a Associates degree! Could you imagine how many millenia it would take to get the multitude of Phd's it would take to perform/operate in the fields. I'm already a 3rd of the way to retirement, and i can hardly fit school full time into my schedule.

The only palateable choice that i can think of is to get "the piece of paper that says i'm smart" and experiment in the job market.

I think the real problem is that you can't really do a job until you have the degree, which took god knows how many years to aquire. Once you are there, its a little late to rethink your decision.

then again, isn't the average peron on their 3rd CAREER?

Unfortunately for me, that would be like 20 years of school to do something interesting all 3 times...

JZ1 said...

Dudeman, it seems like you and I have been talking about this for years now. My life was NOT supposed to take this violent turn into mediocrity. I was relatively smart in high school, pulled above average grades, and was one of those kids my parents didn't need to worry about....

Then there's now, bartending wasn't my thing and I totally agree with No 2, I have more to offer than burgers and beer. Getting ready to go to a job where the conversation is only good the first 3 drinks is a little depressing.

I also went to college for 4 years and do not have a piece of paper to prove jack. (I can pour it, but I can't prove it!) I have been pulled in so many directions in my life, and even though I am supposed to be in control, I can't help but let others persuade me.

I see it as WEAKNESS on my part, and it blows. ROUTINES, I got those down...
WAKE UP
GO TO WORK
GO HOME
EAT
GO TO BED

I might lucky enough on the weekends to make it out on a Saturday nite to drink myself into oblivion and forget about the ROUTINE for one nite. Damn thing keeps coming back though.

I have great desires to move to Tahiti, live in a hut, and wear coconuts as a bra. What do you say No.2???

So far as you go, you're smart enough to DO whatever you want. The important thing is that YOU will not ever enjoy or finish it if it is not your passion. That's just you kid, I've known you for 10 years. You're way too much fun to get stuck in a boring job!!

Oldnovice said...

LOL. I sure wish I could tell ya your situations are unique, but I haven't seen that to be true.

"The only palateable choice that i can think of is to get "the piece of paper that says i'm smart" and experiment in the job market."

This is what MOST folks do. Doesn't say you're smart, but says you can think and are tenacious enough to put up with several years of bullshit.

Oldnovice said...

"So far as you go, you're smart enough to DO whatever you want. The important thing is that YOU will not ever enjoy or finish it if it is not your passion. That's just you kid, I've known you for 10 years. You're way too much fun to get stuck in a boring job!!"

Reminds me of the exchange in the movie Good Will Hunting. Passion has nothing to do with potential, and neither seems to be carved in stone.

School (IMO, at least) SHOULD be something that expands the mind. The sheepskin (IMO, at least) expands the possibilities (AKA options, choices). You can always be the waitress with the PhD...it's not like there's a shortage of them...OR...you can be like Davey and make yourself a millionaire with just a highschool education, OR you can take another path. That's kindof the tough decision thing about life, IMO...the paths. Would we have been better off as a family had your dad and I not divorced? As individuals? Wouldn't it be cool if life came with a manual? Certainly be more predictable, but where would be the fun in that?

No. 2 said...

JZ, I'm with you on the Tahiti part. I'm not sure about the coconut bras, though. Might be a little itchy.

I do think I atleast need a change in my focus in school. Maybe try some science classes instead of all this business BS...

thereyago said...

#2, Getting that piece of paper, whether it comes in a roll of many sheets and is quilted or is leather bound, does show that you have the fortitude to put up with several years of BS. It really does help prepare you for the lifetime of BS that comes with virtually any job/occupation/career. Us older folk have shoveled our way through many loads. Pick something that holds your interest long enough to get you to the paper prize and use it to open, otherwise locked, doors.